The Five Things that Dave Learned on Vacation
by Kuria Dalmatia
Summary: The Five Things that Dave Learned the First Time Vacationing with Aaron and Jack. It's their first vacation as a family with Aaron and Jack, and Dave has one hell of a learning curve. - SLASH- Hotch/Rossi, Jack  established relationship .
1. Dog Jail

**Title:** The Five Things that Dave Learned the First Time Vacationing with Aaron and Jack

**Challenge:** The Great Alphabet Meme 2: V is for Vacation

**Prompt** by katewallace

**Author: **Kuria Dalmatia

**Rating/Warnings:** FRM/R (profanity, sexual situations, and awww…romance)

**Characters/Pairing:** Hotch/Rossi, Jack (Hotch/Rossi established relationship)

**Summary:** It's their first vacation as a family, and Dave has one hell of a learning curve.

**Word Count:** ~3,000

ARCHIVING: my LJ and FFNet account... anyone else? Please ask first.

March 2011.

COMMENTS: Thanks to StarofOberon for the beta. Any mistakes left are mine. Semi-future fic. Jack is six in this fic and in Season 5, it was established he was four. No spoilers.

Feedback always welcome.

DISCLAIMER: The Mark Gordon Company, ABC Studios and CBS Paramount Network Television own Criminal Minds. Salut! I just took them out to play and I promise put them back when I'm done. I'm not making any profit just trying to get these images out of my head.

/***/

_**The First Thing:**__ Never refer to the boarding kennel as Dog Jail even if Dave has been calling it that for __**years**__. Jack doesn't forgive easily, and when it comes to someone upsetting Jack, Aaron doesn't either. And Jack will let everyone know the reason why Mudgie is traveling with them is because Dave wanted to put the "bestest dog ever" in jail. _

It's not the first time that Dave has started a vacation with his spouse pissed at him, but it's the first time that he's been given the silent treatment by a six-year-old. Even worse, the dog apparently decides to side with Aaron and Jack by ignoring him as well. The four-hour drive is tense and Dave seriously considers riding in the truck bed because in all these years, he's never managed to piss off inanimate objects. The Doritos are back there, too.

He does everything in his power to earn forgiveness. He's called the owner of the beach house and agrees to pay the extra hundred per night because he's now bringing a dog. When Jack insists they stop at Petsmart because Mudgie doesn't have "vacation things," Dave foots the bill for a new collar, leash, rawhide bones, a Frisbee, a doggie backpack with collapsible bowls and matching water bottles, two bandannas ("dog-dannas" the cashier coos when she rings them up), a beach towel, a doggie life preserver vest, and a new camp-friendly dog bed.

Dave knows that Aaron will give him hell about it because he's apologizing via credit card. He also knows that he can't win so he might as well die trying. And, hell, the one dog-danna with white bones against the red background is kinda cute.

Later, when Dave's punishment also includes Aaron in full PJs as they get ready for bed, Dave snaps, "My father would have told me to stop my crying and suck it up. The dog would have been at the kennel. Period."

To which Aaron replies, "My father would have gotten rid of the dog."

It's a low blow. It ignites his anger because Aaron can be downright bitchy when he wants to be, rivaling any woman that Dave has ever dated or married. So he fires back, "I fucked up, okay? You win. You happy? You should be, because I've been paying for it all goddamn day." Dave grabs the pillow and gets out of bed. "Both of you damn me to hell like … like … aw, fuck!" He leaves the room, because after three failed marriages, he has at least learned when to shut up and exit before making things worse.

It wouldn't be the first night on a vacation that he's been exiled to the couch. Hell, he seriously considers pitching the tent out on the beach because he can. Contrary to popular BAU belief, Dave's version of "roughing it" isn't a hotel without room service or an indoor pool, it is camping with only the things he can carry on his back.

But it's almost midnight and the camping gear is still in the truck. The couches in the living room are more for show than for comfort, so Dave ends up on the deck that faces the beach. Sleeping on a wooden lounge chair with negligible padding? He's endured worse. At least he has the ocean for background noise.

Dave stares at the moonlit beach. He hears the patio door open, Aaron's soft steps, and the door closes. Aaron settles in the chair next to him.

Finally, Aaron says, "I shelter him too much."

"You're trying too hard to avoid the mistakes your old man made."

"You're trying too hard to be the perfect parent."

"Have you met Mister Pot recently, Mister Kettle?"

That earns a snort and a long pause. "Come to bed, Dave."

"The only one who should be in the doghouse is the dog because he's a _dog_."

"I already said I was wrong."

Dave heaves out a sigh. "I had to get that last one in, you know. Because you're all dressed up when you're supposed to be naked in my bed."

"The shirt has buttons, Dave," Aaron retorts as he stands up. "And I'm not wearing anything underneath." He saunters back inside.

Dave stares at the beach, hating like hell that Aaron always seems one step ahead of him in the argument game but in the same breath giving thanks to God because Aaron _is_ one step ahead of him.


	2. Duct Tape & Cell Phones

**Title:** The Five Things that Dave Learned the First Time Vacationing with Aaron and Jack

**Author: **Kuria Dalmatia

**See Chapter 1 for Comments/disclaimers/etc.**

**The Second Thing:** _Aaron going through cell phone withdrawal is an unexpected hell_.

If Aaron pats down his pockets for his goddamn cell phone one more time, Dave swears he's going to deck the living crap out of his husband. Either that or use duct tape to secure the man's hands to his sides. The entire BAU is under strict orders _not_ to call unless the President of the United States or the Pope demands their presence on a case.

Okay. So maybe it's not that extreme, but it has to be a case that is _that_ serious.

Dave considers buying a metallic Sharpie and writing "my Precious" on the back of Aaron's phone, because the man is worse that Gollum when it comes to that thing. He wonders if there is a Twelve-Step program for cell phone addicts.

Half the goddamn world (okay, maybe Dave's exaggerating a bit) knows where they are, what they're doing, and when they're doing it. Aaron is so wound up about _not_ having his phone clipped to his belt or in his pocket (Dave concedes to carrying it along with his own), that the second day of their vacation is strictly (annoyingly) by the timeline.

It frustrates Dave to the point of asking, "It's four-thirteen. Think I can take a shit now or will that fuck up your schedule too much?"

Aaron snarls a response and quickly, it's their second fight on the second day. Luckily, Jack and Mudgie are out of earshot for most of it. When they approach, Aaron drops the argument mid-sentence and plasters on the _we're not fighting_ smile.

Jack stares at him, his expression dead-on his father's, _You expect me to buy your bullshit?_

Dave bursts out laughing. He can't help it. It is true that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

When they get back to the beach house, Dave pulls Aaron aside for a kiss and slips the cell phone in the man's pocket.

There are some things worth fighting over.

That isn't one of them.


	3. Beard Burn

**Title:** The Five Things that Dave Learned the First Time Vacationing with Aaron and Jack

**Author: **Kuria Dalmatia

**See Chapter 1 for Comments/disclaimers/etc.**

**The Third Thing:** _Aaron should never grow a beard. Ever._

Now, Dave has had facial hair of some variety most of his adult life. Sure, there are years when he'll go clean shaven (a majority of the 80's quickly comes to mind), but when he hit fifty, he decided to stick with some variety of goatee. He's fortunate that the "salt" in his hair is of the pale white silver variety. He also knows the tricks to keeping his whiskers from feeling like steel wool.

When Day Four of the vacation rolls around, Aaron still hasn't shaved. There's always the awkward period of growing things out, but on Aaron, it's even more awkward. Even worse? The hair is coarse and wiry.

Blowjobs should not include beard burn.

"Stop!" Dave pushes hard on Aaron's shoulder and then scoots up until he's sitting. Aaron moves to follow, but Dave blocks him with a knee. "Shave, damn it."

Aaron stares at him. "You want me to shave. Right now." He arches a disbelieving eyebrow at Dave. "In middle of…"

"If I wanted to have the inside of my thighs rubbed down with coarse grit sandpaper, I would have picked some up at the hardware store." Of course, there are nicer ways of saying things, but it's five-thirty in the morning and sweat makes it burn.

Aaron glares. His chin lifts. He then clambers over to his side of the bed, flops down on his side with his back to Dave, and pulls up the sheet.

"You gonna pout now?" Dave taunts.

"You're being rude," Aaron snaps. "And I've never complained."

"Whoa! Wait just one second!" He grabs Aaron by the shoulder and tugs hard. Aaron refuses to roll over. It only encourages Dave to be surlier. "It's been four years and not _once_ have you bitched about my beard. And so help me God if you say you held your tongue because you were being polite. Christ."

The silence lasts for a good five minutes before Aaron heaves out a sigh. "Do we have to argue every day on vacation?"

Guilt kicks in full force and now it is Dave's turn to let out a hard breath. "You're right. I'm sorry. God. We can go twelve days out in the field and nary a spat but here? What gives?"

"Nary a spat?"

Dave shrugs. "Hell, I don't know. It sounded good."

"It sounded weird."

"Okay, it sounded weird."

Aaron looks over his shoulder. "We don't fight because we're focused on other things."

"We can't fight because it would be unprofessional."

Aaron shifts until he's facing Dave. "You really hate the beard."

"If I answer honestly, are you going to pout some more?"

"Depends on how you say it."

"Christ." Dave meets his gaze, reaches over and cups Aaron's chin. "There's no good way of saying it except that it ages you."

Aaron's eyes narrow but then he nods. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay."

"Good. Now go shave so you can finish what you started."

"You're a bastard, Dave."

"I'm a _horny_ bastard. Now go."


	4. The Sugar High

**Title:** The Five Things that Dave Learned the First Time Vacationing with Aaron and Jack

**Author: **Kuria Dalmatia

**See Chapter 1 for Comments/disclaimers/etc.**

**The Fourth Thing: **_Aaron and Jack on simultaneous sugar highs make Reid's benders look tame._

It's seventy-thirty in the morning and the TV is blaring. Of all the goddamn things, Aaron is _singing_ the theme song to Scooby Doo with Jack shouting along and the dog barking. Dave wakes up pissed off, because one of the things about vacation is fucking _sleeping in._ He throws back the covers, gets dressed, puts his slippers on, and goes down the stairs.

What he finds in the living room makes him stand there in shock. The furniture has been rearranged to accommodate the inflated air mattress with sleeping bags covering it. Blankets are draped around the sofa and loveseat to create tunnel. It's like a fort made of bedding. But what really stuns Dave is what's on the coffee table: a bag of powdered doughnuts, a gallon of milk, a can of strawberry Quik powder, two glasses half full of dark pink milk, cereal bowls, a box of Corn Pops and…Dave blinks. Hershey's chocolate syrup.

"You're awake!" Jack cheers.

Aaron scrambles up off the floor and bounds up to Dave with enthusiasm that is just not right for a forty-five year old man at such an early hour. He kisses Dave playfully. His eyes shine brightly. "We have doughnuts!"

"They're awesome in strawberry milk!" Jack added enthusiastically.

Dave stares at the sugarfest, notices what's _in_ the cereal bowls, and his stomach turns. "Please, dear God, tell me you didn't put chocolate syrup on your damn cereal."

Aaron grins. There's no doubt where Jack got his smile from. "Chocolate syrup and strawberry milk," Aaron clarifies. "Like Neapolitan ice cream with a cake cone."

"It's like a diabetic coma," Dave shoots back. "Christ. What's with all this? You turned into Reid or something?"

"I'm embracing my inner child."

"You'd better let him go. When you crash from all of this," he waves a hand in the direction of the breakfast foods as he addresses Aaron, "you're not getting any sympathy from me. Carb hangovers are ten times worse than ones from booze."

There's a pause and Aaron pitches his voice lower, "There was this one summer in Charleston that I spent with my Uncle Freddy. My parents were in Europe." His smile turns wistful. "This was our Saturday morning splurge. _Scooby Doo_, _Thundarr the Barbarian_, and all the things I wasn't supposed to have for breakfast."

It would be easy to make some snarky comment, but Dave realizes that this is one of Aaron's few _good_ childhood experiences. One that can be shared without the painful baggage that usually accompanies a trip down Aaron Hotchner's Memory Lane. So Dave juts his chin towards the table and asks, "This the same Uncle Freddy who taught you how to Cha-Cha?"

"The one and only," Aaron replies before brushing his lips gently against Dave's. "Coffee?"

"I'll get it. You need to go back to see if Scooby and the gang figure out who the UnSub is," Dave tells him. That earns another kiss and Aaron goes back over to Jack and settles between his son and the dog.


	5. The Last Thing

**Title:** The Five Things that Dave Learned the First Time Vacationing with Aaron and Jack

**Author: **Kuria Dalmatia

**See Chapter 1 for Comments/disclaimers/etc.**

**The Fifth Thing: **_It's okay to weep quietly from the sheer joy of watching his husband, his son, and his dog play Frisbee on the beach._

The cigar tastes _good_ and smells even better. It's one of the rare times he indulges but he's on vacation, damn it. Aaron gives him a bit of hell about it because he doesn't want Jack to see his parents lighting up, but Dave isn't giving in on this one. When Jack asks about it, Dave explains he's using the stogie to repel mosquitoes. Aaron grumbles under his breath but then asks Jack if he'd like to play on the beach.

So Dave sits on the deck of their rental house, smoking his cigar and nursing a glass of pinot. He watches as his husband and his son toss the Frisbee while his dog gives chase. He hears their laughter. He hears the dog barking what he always thinks of as Mudgie's "happy yap."

The sun begins to set, creating a picturesque scene.

That's when it hits.

And it hits hard.

Because finally, _finally_ Dave has what he's been trying to achieve for all these years. He has a spouse who _gets_ it. He has a kid who thinks it's awesome to make homemade pasta. He has a dog and a house and two successful careers and enough money to retire comfortably _and_ pay for a good college for Jack and … and …

He feels the tears run down his face. Tears of joy. Tears of thankfulness. Tears of knowing that if he were to die right here, right now, he would be the happiest man on the goddamn earth.

There's part of him appalled that he's crying like a baby because "real men don't cry" but there's a bigger part of him that counters with "real men _do_ cry" because they are confident enough not to give a shit about what other people think.

The emotions are overwhelming. Dave's hands shake. He has enough coordination to put out the cigar and haul his ass inside before Aaron and Jack can see him sobbing on the porch. He's not ashamed but it's too hard to explain without sounding like a moron. So he sits on the bed, gets it out of his system, and then washes his face. The cold water helps reduce the puffiness under his eyes but it will be fairly obvious to someone like Aaron that Dave's been blubbering.

Dave goes to the kitchen and starts making dinner. It's their last night here and they've managed to eat the evening meal in for all nine days, a minor miracle considering all they've done. Horseback riding, sailing, fishing … Dave can't recall seeing Aaron smiling so much, so consistently, ever.

The thought causes him to tear up, but Dave blames it on in the onions he's chopping. His family comes roaring back into the beach house, Mudgie, of course going right for the kitchen. Jack and Aaron call the dog back, but Dave sneaks the pup a piece of meat before he sends him away. Dave continues to cook while Aaron and Jack play a round of Candyland at the kitchen table. Aaron knows something is up with Dave, but refrains on drawing attention to it.

_Damn those onions_, Dave says to himself as he turns away and wipes his eyes yet again. Dinner goes by too quickly as does the walk along the beach.

They're repacked for the most part, so tomorrow will be an efficient round of tidying up. When they put Jack to bed, Dave reads three stories including the _Cars_ one, even doing the voices for the latter. Afterward, Dave and Aaron sit in silence on the deck, Dave holding Aaron's hand, and it's another one of those memories that Dave wants to latch on to forever. He can't blame the tears on the onions _this_ time, so he leads Aaron back inside.

There's a difference between fucking and making love, and this last night, Dave gives the latter everything he's got. It's slow. It's sensual. It's everything he can't find the words to say. Aaron is responsive, encouraging. It's not until they've both climaxed and are panting down from the sex high that he gets the question, "Is everything all right?"

There's a mild panic in Aaron's voice and Dave immediately realizes that his emotionalism can certainly be interpreted as preparing one's spouse for really crappy news.

"I love you," Dave says against his husband's lips. "I love Jack. I love the dog even though these days he gets on the furniture at home like he owns the damn things."

Aaron runs a gentle hand through Dave's sweaty hair. "I love you, too," but there's still caution in his voice. He's waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Dave pulls back and meets Aaron's gaze. "I gave up on the whole 'happily ever after' thing a while ago. Now? I think I've got it." He leans in for a brief kiss. "The only thing that's wrong is I'm being sentimental as hell."

Aaron searches his eyes for the longest time before finally nodding. "Okay."

"Really, Aaron. That's all that this is." He rolls to his side and pulls him closer. "I'm not dying or anything dramatic like that."

"You're just being dramatic," Aaron teases.

"Yeah." He shrugs. "I don't want to go back out in the real world."

His husband offers a warm smile. "We have a few hours until morning."

"Yes, we do."

/***Finis***/


End file.
